They are almost here...

I'd say that this post is LONG overdue. Jimminy Cricket - you couldn't have convinced me that it had been almost 5 months since my last post and a full 5 months since my last post about the twins. And everyone knows that it is almost impossible for me to keep anything short and sweet, as much as I try. But, I'm all for trying again, so here goes:

August - Found out we were expecting baby #9, felt excited and uneasy at the same time.

September - Found out we were expecting babies #9 & 10 - absolute miracle - we serve an amazing God Who can do above and beyond all we think or imagine

September - early November - Sick as a dog, day and night - a full 17 weeks of "morning" sickness that is way worse at night, but happy to be puking, even though it used to be one of my worst fears.

November - Find out that we are having 2 girls! Names are picked: Hope Ann & Faith Emilie; Hope & Faith

December - Somewhat of a reality sets in that we may actually get to hold these two babies and I decide that we need to make some changes around home so that I can get off my feet more. Stories of early labor for new moms and seasoned moms put me on guard and I really slow down and limit activity (or so I thought).

Noelle turns 2 - already!

January/February - We start a major renovation on the middle room of our home. Water heater had caused a lot of damage. Room was gutted.

Baby A (Hope) still had not moved head down and I start anticipating and preparing myself for a Cesarean delivery.

Christian turns 17 - man, this is flying by too fast!

February/March - Doctors visit and sono revealed a couple of things: Baby A had turned head down (PRAISE THE LORD) and I had start dilating and having contractions. Doctor admits me to hospital for observation and next day sends me home for modified bedrest. Modified bedrest basically looks similar to what I had been doing, but a little more stringent.

Christian (17) professes Christ as Savior in a real and dynamic way and we see the fruit of salvation in his life!

Landon turns 7 - already!

By God's grace, I overcome my fear of returning to Branson, Missouri, where our baby died. We are actually planning our next trip for October 2013!

March - While I thought reality had set in, it hadn't. Everyday I find myself going "Oh my goodness, we are going to have 2 babies at the same time!" Wow. So excited and the only things that I'm a bit nervous about: nesting from bed; nursing two babies at once. I just can't wait until they are here.

Baby B (Faith moves head down to be face to face with her sister).

Christian (17) gets his driver's license. Ack.

Middle bedroom renovation is finished Paige and Noelle are back in their beautiful new room. Pete and Christian did an amazing job and I'm so proud of all they accomplished. They had little experience but learned and trudged through and walked away going "wow, this is cool."

Wire shorts out in the wall behind where the girls were sleeping and a new project must be started. Pete starts tearing out the wall and prepares to replace wire. Temporary patch will have to work on wall replacement.

My Mom and Sister threw a beautiful baby shower for me and the girls. We were so blessed by our family and friends. Like a regular baby shower times 2! As we got everything home I wondered "where are the babies going to fit."

My original due date was April 19th. My fairly conservative doctor would like me to deliver sometime before 39 weeks. Almost 3 weeks ago, the babies were averaging 5 lb each. Baby A (Hope) was 5lb.1oz. and Baby B (Faith) was 4 lb. 12 oz. I have another Rate of Growth sono this Thursday, so we will get to see their approximate weights then. At this point I have gained 31 lb. total this pregnancy. I easily gain at least 50 with a singleton pregnancy but it has been nearly impossible to gain more with twins. As soon as I eat, they take it up and use it. I have now gotten to the point where it's just hard to eat much at all. I drink a lot of smoothies.

My hope is to make it past March 31st, Easter. Christian is being baptized upon his recent profession of salvation and I really want to be there! It is very very important to me to be there and the Lord knows the desires of my heart. April 1st would be perfect for having twins, I think. :D If they don't come on their own, we are considering induction between April 8th and 12th. I'm 35 weeks now!

Brason is about to turn 9!

And I'll take that opportunity to stop myself. I realize that this post has been mostly about the Twincesses but that has honestly been a lot of our life for the last many months. I feel very peaceful about where we are right now. I'm grateful to the Lord for placing us here and for all the things that transpired along the way as part of His plan. I'm so thankful to Him for putting the friends and family in our life that He has, to support and encourage us along the way. This road has been a new one in so many ways; every turn has been an area of trust to give to Him daily. I confess that I have doubted at times and wondered what is going on, but I know that I can fully trust my Lord and Savior and Friend. He absolutely has covered me and the other 9 of us!

5 weeks

 

34 weeks

April....

I'll be turning 36!

Aiden will be turning 5 - not kidding!

Who else will we add to April?

Amazing website and giveaway

There is a huge giveaway over at The Modest Mom's blog. She has a whole new website, Deborah & Co. named after her mom. I thought that was really really sweet. Paige and I are loving looking at all the giveaway items because I haven't heard of a bunch of these companies. Since we are on this serious debt reduction plan, I can't really spend any more money, so I really hope I win - or Paige wins so we can share. :)

Video: Recipe Binder

I took this video a while back for a dear friend. I couldn't send it to her, it was too big. So I'm posting it here. Maybe it will be a help to you.

Update: I am going to have to replace all the dividers because the tabs keep falling out. All of them. Kinda frustrating.

Walk to Remember 2012

I have a lot of pictures, because there isn't a whole lot to say. At least not words that I can muster up.

In 1988 President Ronald Reagan declared October to be Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. Not that it was to be a month of collecting money to find cures. The reasons for losing babies in the womb and soon after are endless. The awareness is in the fact that these babies are loved and remembered by their families and friends. It's a time to reflect on their short lives and what they mean to us and how they changed us forever.

MEND (Mothers Enduring Neonatal Death) is an organization for families who have been or are going through these exact circumstances. It's a Christian non-profit group based mostly in Texas, though it seems they are growing, and they are on facebook for support. This event was sponsored by MEND and paid for by many businesses in the area. I didn't realize it, but they did one in Dallas and Houston on the same day. This was the 16th annual Walk to Remember in Dallas and the first time we have ever been involved.

Captions below photos to explain the progression of the afternoon.

Me (Mama) & the most amazing husband (Big P)

after check-in. 

Mom, C (16), Big P, P (13), B (8) below P, Kimbo, Brady (my BIL),

L (6), N (21 months), A (4), J (in the carrier, my nephew - 2 weeks)

There was a walk from the church to the field. Firemen in kilts

played drums and bag pipes. It was beautiful.

Some of the kiddos.

Daddy and N

Kimbo & Mom (we were freezing. The temp

had dropped and it was so windy.)

Each family received an ornament for each child they

had lost. One for our baby born/died April 6, 2007 and one for

Jaron born/died May 17, 2012. The walk was held 2 days

after Jaron's due date, which was October 4.

Every baby's name was called and each family got up to hang

their ornaments on this tree. The tree was covered with ornaments

as far up as people could reach. Most families who had lost multiple

children strung the ornaments onto each other and hung one

on the tree branch. It was beautiful and sad. 

Nicole Sponberg of Selah came and sang a couple of songs and spoke. 

She lost her son at 2 1/2 months (I think diagnosis was SIDS). She shared her story with all of us.

We then prepared for a balloon release. I think 1400 balloons were

filled in preparation of this event. Blue for boys, pink for girls, and white

if you did not know the gender of the baby. Each of our family

members got 1 blue and 1 white balloon to release. Some of

us wrote the babies name on the balloon and a little message.

Then we let them go. It was one of the most amazing silent statements

I have ever heard in my life. Our babies are loved and remembered.

We were near the airport, but this is where they have been doing

the celebration for years, so I guess it was okay.

There were many tears and smiles. It couldn't be helped.

I miss the babies I will never hold again, but will one day see.

If a picture is worth a thousand words....

... then this one is worth 2,000.

I announced our pregnancy a while ago and then morning/afternoon/evening sickness overcame me. I apologize for not keeping you all in the loop but, as noted by my doctor at my recent visit, I have become a survivalist! Cooking for my family, taking a shower, and keeping food down have been my goals.

On September 14th, we got the news of our lives! Something, that one might say, we never expected, but that isn't quite true. I'm so glad that I told a friend I thought I was expecting twins because otherwise, no one would ever believe this story. But, I assure you, it's all very true!

It seemed to me that I was sicker than usual, at least a lot more nauseated, though no vomiting at that point. I also seemed to be so much hungrier than any pregnancy ever before. I was hungry about every hour to hour and a half. Then there was just that gentle nudging from the Holy Spirit. No voice, no "prophetic sign", just a heart change. "What if it were twins?"

At any other time in my entire married life if someone would have told me that I would be a mother to twins, I would have run kicking and screaming out of the sonogram room. I would have panicked for months. Many a time friends would say, "oooh, I'm praying you have twins," and I would not so tactfully say, "pray over someone else's womb - don't pray twins over mine!" Twins were cute to look at and probably fun to dress, but I honestly could not ever imagine having a set myself. Ever.

But on May 15, 2012, the Lord began a big work in my heart and not long after, I began to long for twins. Honestly. I don't remember ever praying specifically for twins, but I just knew that twins would be such a miracle to our broken hearts. A baby to fill my womb again would be a miracle, but twins would be a double miracle!

I was sicker than normal. With my girls I would be nauseous and even sometimes threw up for days in a row, but this kind of sick was an unrelenting sick. Green - always. Hungry - always. Tired beyond the "normal for me" exhaustion of the first trimester. I couldn't get enough sleep and would wake up even more tired.

About 2 weeks before my first "real" appointment (I had gone in at almost 5 weeks to get the blood draw and get started on lovenox shots), I mentioned to Pete that I thought it was twins. He laughed at me. Like a good hearty laugh. Twins don't run in either of our families so there was no reason to believe it was true. He made little jokes about picking one and sending the other one back. But I was serious and he didn't believe me! A friend had texted me and asked me how I was feeling. I told her that I was really sick and thought it was twins. She added me to the list of her many friends who thought they were having twins because of uber sickness and "ha'd" at me. Paige believed me and she began to talk about twins.

Then on September 14, we were driving to my appointment and in my mind I was composing the email/text/phone conversations that would explain that baby A and baby B were perfect. It was like I knew we were having twins and was pretty certain of it. We had to drive separate because Pete had to go to work afterward.

In the sonogram room I laid on the table and the sonographer proceeded to put the goop on my belly and do her thing. And she was there no longer than 2 seconds before she said "we have a big surprise. There are two of them." I lifted up and looked at Pete (who had the deer-in-the-headlights look) and said "I TOLD YOU SO." He was in shock and said, "Really? (to the sonographer)," and to me, "how did you know."

While in the waiting room awaiting our call back for the doctor, all we could do was giggle. Such a surreal moment!

That was such a weird cycle month for me and I wasn't even sure that I ovulated because of the temperature spikes that I had. Looking back, I think what happened was that I ovulated twice and the babies have consistently measure 1-2 days apart.

I saw them again today. They were jumping around and so full of life. It was the most beautiful thing ever!

This is Baby A (further down in my pelvis). 

You can see his or her little nose very clearly. 

This is Baby B (higher up). 

He or she was a little jumping

bean so the picture is a bit blurry.

Remembering and Anticipating

Today, August 17, 2012, marks 3 months since our little boy was born silent and still. In the midst of that time of the most intense grief I have ever experienced, I never knew how life would be again - how I would breathe; how I would survive. God has been so merciful and rescued me from the pit. He has set my feet upon a rock. He established my steps and put a new song in my mouth - Praise to my God; many will see it and fear and will trust in the Lord (Psalm 40:3 - my paraphrase).

In the last 3 months, time has both stood still and moved way too quickly. My mourning has turned to joy. I wouldn't call my son back here if I could, because his home is much too exuberant for me to do such a thing. It's the complexity of a mother's heart - the knowing and wanting. I often gaze at his pictures and can easily squint my eyes to see him as he lay perfect but still. Those hours of holding him will forever be in my heart as precious and dear and painful and sad.

How do we ever come out on the other side of something so tragic? The Lord. It truly is the only answer.

This week I had many doctor's appointments - the chiropractor, the headache doctor, the dentist. I had not seen any of these people since our baby died. In the telling, I was okay and could get through it in a matter-of-fact way - the logistics. But every time when my eyes started watering and my lip quivered, they knew. I wasn't a callused woman, I was a healed woman who will have a bit of sadness always in her heart.

A couple of weeks ago I attended my sister's baby shower. We were due 3 days apart. She is still pregnant with her sweetie and I'm overjoyed for them. I feel like I did well through the shower - since I had already cried my eyeballs out in the driveway while my dear friend, Brandi, prayed for me. Then came my mom's towels. She makes big hooded baby towels and has given me 2 for every child that we have had since she started making them. She was going to make 4, but only needed to make 2. I knew it. She knew it and that fact had bothered her as she was making them. So when Kimbo opened those towels all I could do was stare and I felt myself sort of zone out in my thinking. I immediately started praying - Lord snap me out of this for my sister's sake. He did.

Another dear friend, Tanya, was pregnant right along side of us. She gifted Kimbo with some little Christmas outfits for Jayden's first Christmas. She had also bought a set for herself and for me, which she left for me in a pretty red bag for later on. Some people might question why she would still have given them to me. She bought them for me, for our baby, for her and her baby. Yet our babies wouldn't wear them. Only an amazing friend, who knows you so well, and is walking in loss alongside you, knows that having those little outfits will bring tears and comfort at the same time.

Paige's gift for our anniversary.

Pete and I celebrated 16 years of marriage on the 10th. It was a wonderful day as we served alongside our children at church helping with some projects that needed to be done. We did some yard sale-ing, movie, and dinner. A beautiful day of thankfulness to God for our marriage and the love and life He had allowed us to share for these many years. We have almost been married longer than not - at least for me, since I'm soooo much younger *wink* - 5 years.

That morning we found out some amazing and wonderful news - my womb is filled once again.

We are cautiously optimistic. We are elated. We are sober-minded. I have found myself in prayer more for this baby than with any of my other children. I think that is a good thing - a God thing.

5 weeks

I have increased my folic acid to 4mg, plus the 1mg that is in the prenatal vitamins I am taking. I'm taking 400 mg of prometrium (progesterone), and have also started the Lovenox injections daily. I'm starting to get gaggy and am very excited about that. Long gone are the days when I let morning sickness bring me down. I anticipate it and although there are days when I can't move, I thank God for those reasurrances that all is well.

Baby #9 is due April 19th. Praise the Lord! Praying to the Lord for a sweet precious little one born kicking and screaming in April!!

Organized: Toys

Over the years we have been pretty selective as far as how many toys and what kind of toys we get the kids. Even grandparents know our wishes (when we express them) and have been been fairly supportive in the endeavor to keep things simple. Despite all this, our toys had gotten completely out of control over the last year.

With Noelle being at the age where she would actually play with toys, everyone kind of went crazy with pink and girly toys. And it was actually fun for a while. But if you add to this equation the fact that we have the Mercy Closet at church (a small portable building that houses the stuff everyone brings from their house and allowing everyone to get things they need from others) where the boys are always grabbing something new - you get a plethora of stuff.

This was quite a job because the toys had been in a place that was out of sight, out of mind. I've realize that is not a good thing. I usually don't allow toys in the bedrooms because then things just get crazy, but somewhere I had slipped up and stopped caring.

Here was my process:

First I filled out a roadmap for where I wanted to go with the toys. Then I got to work!

 End of the hallway, toys are in buckets and bags. I separated them into different laundry baskets by type of toy. Dinosaurs, Imaginext, Cars, Girly, etc.

 I happened to go into the blue room (boys room) and saw this mess.

 I recruited the boys to pull everything out from all the crevices in the room - anything toy related, toy-ish, ANYTHING having to do with a toy.

I separated those out into the baskets also, with the other toys that I had already gone through. I trashed some, and others...

... just had to find a new home. :( This little bear was a gift from us to our oldest son, Christian (now 16) after he had his first ear surgery. He was 4. There was a time where he wouldn't part with this bear, then he kept it clean and put away. Then he just didn't care one way or another. So I snapped a pic and sent it off to be loved by another child. We got rid of 4 trash bags of toys. 

I put everything into small bins or ziplock bags. I only kept things that they really play with. The only battery operated items I kept were the things that were Noelle's as well as some trucks the boys got for Christmas. The thing is, Noelle NEVER plays with the battery operated toys. But I'm not moving them out until they are replaced with open-ended toys. I will be working on filling the Amazon wish lists with some ideas for Christmas and birthdays. Another excellent thing that all the grandparents (and sometimes the Aunt and Uncle) do is give memberships to cool places like the zoo, science museum, and living history village.

This is a coffee table that a friend of my grandmother's built for her. It sat in her living room for 20+ years and now it is in mine. She passed away this spring. I loved this coffee table as a child. It has a neat little compartment that she would put magazines and things in. 

And right now, that little door's hinge is broke due to Princess Noie trying to close it. :(

Where we go from here:

Some of the toys are in another room on a shelf in their ziplock bag or bucket. I rotate them out every few days because we have so few of them out at a time. Clean up is EASY and we do that about 3 times a day. One major problem we are having is Noelle dumping all the toys. She really doesn't play with any of these toys so she is bored out of her mind while we are doing school work. I'm working on a solution to that problem. 

What I really hope to do is move my desk. Pete just built me a desk inside of my prior prayer closet. He built one for him in there also. We share a chair (not at the same time) and it is a perfectly small space. I need to post about it and will when I get things moved over here.

In the place of the desk I plan to put a Trofast frame and buckets. I'm not sure how high this one is, but I would really like to add a cushion on the top and make it into a reading spot. 

Though I might end up choosing something more like this one and still doing a reading spot on the side. The colors mean nothing, they have several to choose from. I would go with the green to match our living room. These are a bit harder to slide out (to deter a little dumping girl) and yet would allow us to still keep 6 sets of toys out a time.

This last week I worked on school bookshelves!! Pictures to come on that next week. My next project is decluttering a major holding station - the pink room - because we are renovating the house starting there!