My {enough} quotient

Before the twins were born I started a class on Big Picture Classes by Stacy Julian - Finding Photo Freedom. I had purchased the book years prior, but had trouble converting the ideas into my digital scrapbooking life. She only offers the class every 2 years, so when the opportunity arose, I banded together with my good friend Brandi and we took the class together - spurring each other on.

Well, as things usually go for me, I got stuck and sidetracked and then the twins arrived. I didn't finish the class. You aren't surprised, are you? Well, I decided to restart the class recently and one of the first things we are to do is come up with our Enough Quotient.

Stacy quotes Jennifer Louden in the handout that she gave us to describe what she wanted us to do. I know nothing about this Ms. Louden, honestly, but these are true, smack-you-upside-the-head words right here.

"Not declaring satisfaction or "enoughness" is underneath all the shoulds and have tos and draining comparisons that are exhausting you." 

Jennifer Louden

We were supposed to come up with some realistic scrapbooking goals based on our current life situations, schedules, and demands. Well, with twins, 6 other children, homeschooling, yadda, yadda, yadda, you can imagine how much time I have for scrapbooking. Stacy describes scrapbooking as anything you are doing with your photos. That means you can count blogging, posting a picture on facebook, texting your teenager, organizing and tagging your photos, or the actual act of putting pixels to paper (digital paper, in my case) as "scrapbooking".

Here is how I am defining my "enoughness" for scrapbooking right now:

Weekly

• upload photos to Memory Manager 4.0/Historian
• Spend 100 minutes organizing photos (may cut this down)
• Make 2-4 layouts
• blog including a layout with my post

Monthly

• 8 layouts
• 1 Pixels2Pages challenge
• upload to Flickr
• Craft/Scrapbooking night

So all this thinking about Ms. Louden's quote got me to thinking about the rest of my life. The non-scrapbooking stuff. I started realizing how stuck I get because so much stuff in my life I compare to others. I never seem to measure up. Not based on anyone else's spoken opinions of me, but because of my opinion of myself. My lack of "enoughness" gets me in a yucky place where I can do nothing. So I'm either striving too much or doing nothing at all. This isn't what Christ came to earth to do for me. He came to set me free of that junk. Why do I let it hold me back?

I created this layout based on those thoughts and feelings. It is sort of an art journal-y type thing. The kit is from Jennifer Fehr. The journaling is included below. I'm putting myself out here a bit - in hopes that someone else may be able to benefit and see their worth in Christ is already said and done. He is enough. If you are His, you are enough, too.

{While working on my Finding Photo Freedom class I had to come up with an {enough} quotient, which related to how much scrapbooking I wanted to do to feel successful. That started me to thinking about all kinds of other ways where I can find my enough quotient. I realized how much the idea of"enough" really affects me overall. Though Christ has died to set me free from guilt and shame, I feel guilty and am constantly comparing myself to others in so many ways. From homeschool methods and curriculum to how I dress and how behind I am on laundry; never measuring up. But I realize because of Christ's blood shed for me, He declared I am enough.}

I am working on some other "enoughness" goals in homeschool and homemaking. Example: it is enough that my teaching the kids doesn't have be manifest in the 3 R's. I can teach by doing and being and by what Christ is doing in my life. I can teach random or planned non-essential lessons and fun times. I can teach life. I can delegate some teaching responsibilities to Bob Jones DVDs. It is enough that I cook mostly homemade food from scratch. It is enough to do 8 loads of laundry per week. My children will not die pulling clean clothes out of the laundry basket. It is enough to have a mostly decluttered home. 

Still working on all these areas, trying not to get stuck in the feeling of never being/doing enough.

Letter to a Son

As promised (to some of my e-friends and IRL friends), I'm posting the letter that my sweet husband wrote to share with my father-in-love's congregation on Father's Day. He wrote this from a position of humility, not one of "arrival". He will fully admit that the very things that he wrote in here, he has either struggled with in the past, or still struggles with, himself. Don't preach this to your husband! If you care to share this with him, do so in a way that honors him as leader and father in your home, so that it may be received well.

Pete introduced this letter as one that he was afraid many men will have to "write" when their children are gone, if not on paper, then definitely in thought.


Dear Son,

I am writing this letter to you today because there are many things I failed to pass on to
you while you were here in my house. I chose not to invest in your life when I had the
chance. Because of this, I have also failed your children. The things I should have
passed on to you should also have been handed down to them. You are at a
disadvantage because I was selfish and did not really love you as much as I told you.
My love for you and the rest of our family was very shallow. I chose to chase dreams
that had no eternal value and really only meant something to me. I called myself a
Christian, but I was only a follower of myself and my own pleasure. Your dreams and
needs were only considered after I took care of my wants. I should have known that
Satan desired to attack and destroy my family.

Mark 3:27 tells me, "But no one can enter the strong man’s house and plunder his
property unless he first binds the strong man, and then he will plunder his house."
I allowed myself to be tied up by Satan. I did not get on my knees daily to ask for the
strength I needed to battle for your life. My foolishness allowed my house to be
plundered. You were taken from me little by little and I did not even seem to care. Oh,
how must have felt when I chose myself over you everyday.

I should have sat down with our family everyday to pray for our families needs. You had
hurts and fears that needed my acknowledgment. I should have been the one taking
your needs to God when you needed direction and comfort. Instead I chose to stay up
late watching grown men play games on a box. A box that brought in more filth than
good to our home. I chose to keep this box in our home rather than to protect you from
temptations that you were not ready for. You were especially not ready to handle them
on your own.

I can still remember the last two times you came to me asking questions about what you
learned in Sunday School. The first time I told you "why don't you go ask your mother,
because she is in charge of all that stuff". The next time I am sure I said "you just need
to go ask your teacher, because they know better than me". Well basically I was telling
you, that they knew God's Word and I really did not have time for that sissy stuff. But
now, I understand that a real man should know his sword better than anyone else. I
should be the one leading our family time in God's Word. I should not have rested till I
was able to help you clearly dissect the truth, so that you had the armor you needed.
As Psalm 127:4 and 5 speaks to me, you should have been "like arrows in the hand of a
warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. How blessed is the man whose quiver is full
of them; They will not be ashamed When they speak with their enemies in the gate."
You should not have been ashamed when you faced the enemy, and even though you
may have had some fear in your heart, you would have known that God's Word was
hidden in your heart as well. You also would have felt comfort knowing that I was there
to ask for your protection by spending my free time on my knees praying for you.
Instead I chose to work extended hours away from home to pay for my wants instead of
spending time with you. I could have very easily paid for our needs, like a house and
food, without spending that extended amount of time away from you and our family. I
chose to invest in things that I can not even remember right now. But I do remember
seeing you drift away from me. You began to see strangers as your heroes. Those
people that could dunk or throw a football and that had body like a Mac Truck. So where
did your slightly overweight, older and slower father fit in to that hero worship. I didn't.
I should have taught you of real heroes. The fathers that gave their life and their living to
protect and to serve their families. The fathers that spent time with their family instead of
time on the golf course. Or the father that will go on a couple of hours of sleep to make
sure his children do not miss out on a time of spiritual growth, like attending church
together as a family.

I said I would have died for you, but I guess that did not include my living for you. Now
we are here to bury you because I chose temporal things over my living family. Now I
will be the one to raise your son, and I just hope I have learned my lesson.

Please forgive me son.
Your sinful father.

is God really first?

I feel completely inadequate to write this post, but since it is so heavily on my heart, I decided to go for it. Hopefully God will use my efforts for His glory. Learning the hard way is... well, hard.

We've all said it. We may have grown up hearing it. When someone asks us about our priorities, we tend to list God first, then husband, children, etc. Chances are that if you grew up in a Christian home or going to church, this was the norm - the "right" answer. But is it true? Is God really first?

As I have started thinking about morning routines and all that I would like to get accomplished in a day, embarking on this whole Maximize Your Mornings commitment - I have taken a hard look at His place in my list of to-dos. For years I have purposed to get up daily and read the Word. I have not always succeeded in that goal and there have been some seriously dry times in my life when I wouldn't even make myself do it. I knew it was the right thing to do, but it seemed like there were so many other things that "had" to get done.

God has used those dry times in my life. I'm not doubting that. Honestly, though, they have been much harder than needed to be and ultimately, were used for one big main goal - to draw me closer to Him, to make me realize my need for Him - for time in His Word, for communion with Him, for praise and honor to Him, for refreshment, fulfillment, and feeding - on Him. So, really, it comes back to spending time with Him. If I would have just obeyed, I'd have had an easier time of it.

I should have listened the first (second, third....) time - but I didn't. My spiritual life grew stagnant and boring. I wasn't growing. I wasn't changing. I wasn't being all that God had called me to be - simply because I wasn't spending time with Him.

Why do we think we can get away with that? At least for any length of time. I mean... sure, there will be days that we don't get in the Word - a day here, a day there. But a week here, a month there - man, we are in for some hard and dry times. Our heart becomes hard. We sin; often times without even knowing it. We are grieving the Holy Spirit.

If God truly has the power that we say He does - why aren't we trying to learn from Him? If He is supposed to be our best friend, why aren't we receiving His phone calls? Since He speaks to us through His word, we should be longing to have that call with Him each day. We'd never ignore a phone call from one of our closest friends. Again - this is me speaking from experience. I have most definitely not arrived. I'm still figuring this stuff out and convicted daily of these very things. When I made His word a real priority in my life, my life started changing; my walk with Him started changing; my family started changing.

I've been reading Elizabeth George's Life Management for Busy Women. (on a side note: I just had a discussion with Big P and the Big kids about the fact that "woman" makes me sound old. I don't feel like a woman. I forget my age - I think I'm still in my 20s.)

If you also want to make God first in your life (for real!), here are some tips Elizabeth shares. You must read her book, though, because I'm not going to elaborate on them much.

1. Refuse to miss a day. You can use the quiet times calendar I posted. Be faithful in just one thing - spending a portion of your day reading your Bible.
2. Pray as you approach God's Word - I'm realizing that this doesn't have to be a sit down and pray sort of a prayer. When I get up in the morning, I'm talking to God. I'm going to the restroom and drinking my glass of water and talking to God. I'm thanking Him for the morning that He has allowed me to enjoy and asking that He open my eyes (figuratively and literally at 5 am) to His word and plan for me for the day. I'm certain that this is what is meant by praying without ceasing (1 Thesselonians 5:17). I have another prayer time after I read, but this is to really set the tone for my quiet time.
3. Consume God's Word in various ways. Listen to teaching on your ipod or DVD. This book was written in 2002, so she is still saying tapes and videos. Some that I love are: Cindy Rushton, Jim Berg, and Nancy Leigh DeMoss. Also check out the Embassy Institute from IBLP. Listen to praise songs and hymns. Ones we love around here are: David Nevue, Serene and Pearl, and Val Halloran. 
4. Find a rhythm or a pattern that fits your lifestyle. Find a time for reading your Bible that fits your lifestyle - but do find it and don't use a busy life as an excuse (her words, not mine. :D). She really stresses time, first time, early time.
5. Be a woman of one Book - the Book.  If you only have time to read one book, make it THE book. "First, make it a rule to read what honors God's standards and glorifies Him." Put away all the magazines and stuff that doesn't edify. Even if it is a Christian book, and you aren't reading the Word regularly, put it away until you get into the habit of spending more time reading His words than others'.
6. Be accountable. Check this out: "Thomas Edison made it his practice to first announce his intentions on a given project, then get into the laboratory, get busy, and make the announcement become a reality!" Do you have someone that will check in on you? Accountability can be a convictingly (not a word, apparently) good thing!
7. Beat the family.  Seriously - that's what she says. Ha. Get up earlier than your family gets up. See the Maximize Your Mornings challenge to wake up for your children, not to your children.
8. Teach your children. Have a table time reading and studying God's word. We are just starting this and it is becoming such a blessing! Teach your children to be in their Word. Ingrain this habit in them from childhood. If they can read, they need a quiet time. I highly recommend the Discover 4 Yourself studies for children 8-12 or so.
9. Purpose to get up. "Surely, any woman with any passion for anything makes sure she gets up to enjoy that passion!"
10. Aim for more time. Two principles she shares, "Something is better than nothing and Always aim for more."

My prayer for you is that time with God is a priority for you or becomes so. Treasure it. Cherish it. Live it.

pic from: http://blueeyedennis-siempre.blogspot.com/2010_02_01_archive.html

so busy... too busy

I haven't posted because I'm just so busy. I don't mean that in a martyr way, either. I really am so so so busy. Currently I'm keeping a running list in my "notes" app on my iphone. Yesterday I did as much as I could and left the rest and still went to bed too late. Now, that's just too busy. I should be able to start the day without feeling behind. For crying out loud it is 6:30 in the morning and I have already done some things - nurse the baby and have quiet time with my Lord. Even that feels rushed because I'm so busy.

This weekend I had the opportunity to go a retreat for moms. It is called H.O.M.E. (Heart of Motherhood Enrichment). It's just a small affair compared to some of the big named retreats you hear about, but it was such a God-send. A friend and I co-coordinate the Texas Rubies retreat. We needed to go to this retreat because we don't get to re-treat at our retreat!

While I'd love to share with you everything I learned, but there were 5 women who spoke and I just couldn't take the time to write out all my thoughts right now. RANDOM THOUGHT: Vermont Country Blend in the Keurig is sooo good. Let me tell you one tidbit that is on topic with my blog post. While every single woman touched my heart in a special way, it culminated after hearing a testimony of a lady there. Her sister was wheel-chair bound and had spina bifida and came to know Christ at the age of 27, when the lady testifying was about 10 years old. She talked about their learning together and her sister leading her to Christ and had such fond memories of their time together. When her sister passed away a few years ago, she came across a type of journal entry in the back of her bible. It said something to the effect of "Lord, you have made me a Mary instead of a Martha. Help me to be content with that and always be eager to sit at your feet." I had to refrain myself from a full-out bawl. I was loud, I'm sure, and possibly interrupted the ladies around me. Wow. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Here this joyful woman was wheel chair bound as well as a serious student of the Word and yet, she was seeking to have contentment. The woman giving her testimony of the weekend shared that she tries to remember that when she is rocking a baby and thinking that she needs to be doing 50 other things.

At that point I had to excuse myself to the restroom because I just couldn't hold it any longer. :) As I was heading out I started talking to the Lord. "Lord, please give me one nugget that I can use right now. I want to change so much. I have been convicted of so much this weekend. It is overwhelming to think of all the areas I struggle in. Please give me Your word right now that I can stand on and do."

SIDE NOTE: I have never heard the Lord through the radio or out loud or anything like that. I grew up in a charismatic church but I assure you, that has never happened to me and I can't say for sure it does happen to people. I do know this - God speaks and He does it in different ways. Two words immediately came to mind that morning after I prayed. I mean instantaneously. Ones that were not of me, because I didn't agree with them at the time. They were from the Lord and I know that without any doubt.

Slow Down. Those were the words. Slow. Down. Again, even slower this time because He must know that I don't listen very well and would argue with Him. Although I had gone to the restroom because my bladder was drawing me there, I was glad that's where I was headed because I didn't want to have an all-out cry fest in front of 50 women.

Big P listened intently as I try to summarize everything I had learned and what I had heard from the Lord. He acted like he had been trying to tell me all along. See, I don't listen. :( That's what started my list making. I have too much in my schedule and too much in my head to fully enjoy everything the Lord has called me to. We haven't had much of a chance to figure out everything I do and what I can get rid of but I know I need to get rid of something (or some things!).

Bailing is not an option with some of this stuff and I know that some of it, He truly has called me to do, even though it is "extra curricular". Gotta figure it out. Got to!

My Quilty Life

I shared the testimony below at the shower that my mom, sister, and friend Tanya gave to me to celebrate the coming of our new little girl. I was having trouble staying asleep (as is common in the last part of pregnancy), so after reading my Bible and still being unable to go back to sleep, I got up to sew. As I was sewing the Lord started bringing to mind an amazing picture of what He has done in my life and how much it is like the quilt I was working on. I decided to write it down. I shared it that morning with my sister helping me (unrehearsed) by holding up my various visuals. Since it's been so long since I have posted anything, I thought this might be a good place to give you all an idea of who I am through Christ and the journey He has me on.

I want to show you all what I have been working on lately to get ready for our new little girl.

• Some of you don't know me, but you know of me. You bless my heart because you know and love my Mom or Sister.

• Many of you I haven't seen since my last baby shower almost 7 years ago.

• A few of you know me VERY well and have even seen my babies being born.

• But few of you know my testimony. This quilt is an example of my testimony.

Some of you may wonder why in the world we are having our 6^th child and how we got here. You may look at me and think we are either crazy or dumb, but some of you may look at me with admiration and wonder how I do it. It's kind of like a quilt show. If you have ever been to a quilt show, you'll know what I mean. There are some really beautiful quilts there and you wonder how in the world the woman made it, how long it took, etc. Then there are ugly quilts. If we are really honest we can say that there are some really ugly quilts out there and we would never choose them for ourselves. You may look at my quilt and see a beautiful quilt or a really ugly one. The same way you may look at my life and see a family that is welcoming their 6^th child into the world and get warm fuzzy feelings or you may think (or even say) “she could be doing better things with her time,” or “why would anyone choose that life?”

When I was putting this quilt together and I got one row done I wondered if it was going to be one of those that got ugly before pretty. That's the story of my life. I grew up in church my entire life. My mom was diligent to take me to Sunday school and church every Sunday, almost without fail. I didn't know Jesus as my personal Savior until I was 18. My teenage years were REALLY UGLY. When I found out that I was pregnant, I realized the direction my life was headed and knew I couldn't make anything good of it on my own. That is when I came to know Jesus. Then I had my precious first born and married my amazing husband.

When I got about 2 rows into the quilt, it started looking much better, but I did feel like giving up, because it wasn't how I envisioned it. Over the years he has continued to work on me and Pete – all the way to the point where we had given up on having more children because, plain and simple, we were selfish. Motherhood was not as I had envisioned it to be and by golly, I wasn't going to have any more children. As God continued to work on me, He gave me a vision for more children and, overall, for my true calling as a woman. He planted that same desire in Pete's heart as well. He brings us all to a different place and this is where He has brought us.

What you can't see from the front of my quilt is all the loose threads, uneven seams, and pin holes from where I left the pins sitting too long without attention. You can't always see all my faults as a Christian woman, my struggles, our families struggles. You can't see how many seams I un-sewed and re-sewed. You can't know how many times the Lord has literally brought me to my knees to prune me for bigger and better fruit.

See if I would have stopped making my quilt, I wouldn't have known what it could look like. As I have continued to have children, the Lord has worked amazing things in my life and shown me His amazing grace. Because I am busy with my children, I don't have time to get into trouble doing things I shouldn't be doing with my time. My desperate need for His grace in my life allows Him to keep working on me, everyday.

I had a pattern for this quilt, just like I have a Bible. I have to look at the pattern constantly to know what row I am sewing on next or I will get confused. In the same way I have to be in the Word on a daily basis and in constant prayer or I will get confused because the world is telling me something so different than the Lord is telling me. The world is telling me how much easier my life would be if I didn't have a nursing baby or a toddler constantly needing training. The world is lying to me about how uncomplicated things would be if I would just put my teenager on the big yellow bus that comes at 6:41 every morning. If I'm not looking at the Bible, my pattern, I will be lost.

But there is a cost for everything. There is a cost of time in putting together my quilt; in spending time training my children. Sometimes it is very costly. Fortunately, Jesus paid the price for me on Calvary. His blood was shed for me so that I would know true Salvation and be spared from the pit of Hell for the sins that I commit every day. He did the same for you. It's not enough to talk about making a quilt, or talk about being a Christian or to say the right things. It's not enough to buy a quilt from someone else, or to try to earn your Salvation through your parents or your church attendance. You have to make a choice. Once you make the choice to follow Him, He really will lead you – through the good and the bad.

Joshua 24:14-15

14"Now, therefore, fear the LORD and serve Him in sincerity and truth; and put away the gods which your fathers served beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD.

15"If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD."

But my quilt isn't done; and the Lord isn't through working in my life. He is constantly humbling me and showing me new ways to bring glory to Him. What is the chief end of man? Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy him for ever. And my life is full of fabrics and prints I may have not had the guts to choose myself, but as I look at it, I love how it is turning out.

So, you may choose different fabric than I have, or a different pattern. But you know by now this isn't about quilting or having babies, this is about the Lord and His work in our lives – and whether we even know Him or not. This is about a true and personal relationship with Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Choose for yourselves this day!

Life

I couldn't possibly update on everything that has taken place in our lives since my last post more than 10 days ago, so I'll try to sum up with my Project 365 Layouts and a couple of highlights.

Today is Landon's birthday!!! He's 3, so he will now be known as L.3.B. Wow - I can't believe how fast the time has gone by!!! He's such a little silly doll. :D

I went to a 1 night retreat with our church this weekend. We had such an incredible time. My mother-in-love was the one that reminded me that I needed to post about it on my blog. I didn't want to forget the details, so I made a layout of it:

Credits


We learned about God's true calling for women and watched 3 sessions of the True Womanhood '08 conference. We also learned about the roots of feminism which was very interesting. Also interesting is how some of those thoughts are so ingrained in us. Although these are not new messages for me, the fact that I was hearing them with the ladies that I go to church with weekly, fellowship with, and study alongside, was so wonderful. It's great to know that these ladies are on the same page with me and that we all want to be pleasing in the sight of the Lord. We culminated the retreat by hearing about the new study for the year. We will be studying Taking Time to Quiet Your Soul. We also had a chance to have some quiet time with the Lord. My roommates and I had a wonderful time and finished the weekend off with some shopping at Bass Pro Shop and eating at Fuddruckers. Yummy!

Here's my recent Project 365 Layouts. You can see closer versions and credits for everything in my gallery at Scrapmatters.

Totally Normal!

In case anyone thought that I wasn't a normal mom (I have NO idea why someone would think this, but just in case!) this is what I did in a fit of frustration this morning. I truly get tired of saying the same things over and over (ie. nagging) and yet things don't change the way that I think they should. This morning C.12.B. got upset because P.9.G. left her shoes under the table and he went to put them IN her bed and write her a note as a "reminder". So, this prompted me (in my anger :( ) to write them all a note! Then, it kept going and going. I decided I would keep these up for a few days so that I didn't have to repeat myself.

I then repented of the anger, asked for forgiveness, and am moving on. I left the notes up though. Better than me nagging, right?!


The notes say things like: feed your dogs, train your dog, pick up your things; don't wake up in the morning only to lay back down on the couch, don't dump out milk, don't ask or expect to eat out each week, etc.

***Edited: A friend emailed me laughing at the advertisements on our sticky notes, considering we have 5 children! LOLOLOLOL This cracked me up, too, because I didn't even realize what I had written on. My sister works at a doctor's office and brings us sticky notes - which we use for everything. I grabbed the smallest one I could find (out of my newly cleaned out junk drawer) and started writing! It NEVER occurred to me what the advertisement was for. LOLOLOLOL I'll just say that we don't use medicine in our home, unless someone is really REALLY ill (coughing uncontrollably or with a serious infection), and that's all I'll say about that! LOLOLOL***

On a sweeter note, here's a pic of Baby A (5 months) in the swing when I took him out on Saturday.

A Flerg giveaway

This kit makes me go OOOOHHHH, AHHHHH. I love the colors they are just my favorites. So, they are giving away this kit and a mini kit at this magazine, Growing in Grace. I've never heard of the magazine before, but happened upon it looking at Flergs blog. Of course, the title intrigued me, and so I'll be able to peruse it this weekend.


But, check out the kit. Even if I don't win, I think it would be a great investment - it's only $6. I've saved Big P that much easy in just two weeks of not going to SB. Oh, I can't believe I did this, but on Tuesday night I bought an SB. I got a surprise $5 in the mail and briefly put it in the money jar. Then I got it out, and wish I hadn't. :( Okay, not again. And that's enough about that.